Most of the time if I play a game that has a strong effect on me, a game that sticks in my memory, it means I grab the attention of everyone I meet and I tell them all about it. It’s how I feel about a new girl I’ve just met, or a band I’ve just discovered. More rarely, I will play a game that is closer to a public poo; I hope no one catches me doing it and I absolutely don’t want anyone to ask me about it. Senran Kagura: Reflexions falls very much into the second category. A game exclusively about massaging a cartoon teenager in various clothes and rooms.
As I booted up Senran Kagura: Reflexions for the first time, I was greeted by an anime teenager wearing cat ears. She was squeezing her breasts together with her arms in a way to suggest, depending on your height, that she is holding your hands or your genital of choice. The intro video shows this girl staring forlornly out of her classroom window, in case you were lying to yourself about her age, meditating on mysterious feelings that she’s having about nothing in particular. Then, ‘I’ entered the room and her eyes, already the size of saucers expand, along with her breasts, by one hundred and fifty per cent. As I clicked the button to enter the menu, she whispers semi-innocently “It’ll just be the two of us today”. Now I don’t know how you feel right now, but I feel like I’m writing a lazy attempt at a Lolita sequel just describing this, and we haven’t even got to the menu yet.
The menu offers four things:
- Reflexology “Your caresses Change The Stories She Tells”
- Dress-up “Change her outfit and hairstyle”
- Mini-Reflexology “Spend time with her freely in the classroom”
- Diorama “Pose her in your favorite (sic) locations.”
The mini reflexology discards the need for wading through the plot that is so thinly veiled you can see the dimples in its arse. Diorama, however, allows you to rotate her, change her height and squirt her with water until she becomes embarrassed in case actually doing anything was too much for you.
The “story” involves me standing in a classroom with Asuka, the young girl, massaging her hand in specific areas, by holding a button, until she starts to fantasise about something. I opted for the little finger, the least offensive of the fingers. After a moment, Asuka sucked me off to a world wherein she is my Japanese tutor who asks for my help. “Um, do you think… it’s possible for a tutor and her student to be together? Well? Can you… solve that equation?” she asks, revealing more of her cleavage in case I misunderstood what she meant. Then the game begins. Each of the joy-con controllers now controls two disembodied hands, that I use to squeeze and rub the body of my tutor. I can also change to a water-gun mode in case I need an ejaculatory metaphor immediately. She tells me that I have ‘passed’ and I then get to choose from a massage roller, a brush or a Hitachi Magic Wand, all of which are exclusively used for sports massages and nothing else. I wouldn’t google the last one in particular. A new mini-game appears where I use one of these devices to massage away her stress until she orgasmically throws herself onto the floor revealing her underwear. Asuka congratulates me on my massage skills then becomes teary and jealous because I must have learned it from some other girl. WHAT THE HELL AM I PLAYING?!
This is a stop-gap game in the Senran Kagura franchise which takes advantage, for want of a better phrase, of the HD vibration in the joy-con, so you can feel a variety of textures while rubbing underage girls. So at least we can rest easy knowing that the actual game which is coming next year is a little less mental. It’s just a simple pinball game called Senran Kagura: Peach Ball, where you slam a pinball into a giant girls breasts until her clothes fly off.
Welcome to Senran Kagura.
Senran Kagura: Reflexions (NS Exclusive)
Man… like… you just don’t understand. It’s a cultural thing. It’s not really sexualisation it’s just… uhm… like… glorification of youth. Anyway, it’s just a drawing.
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